Well I’ve made the decision with Harmonie that I’m interested in going back to school. I’ve been pondering this idea for quite some time, but today it really kicked in that I want to make it happen. In order for this to proceed, I need to work a couple of things out.

What Degree Should I Work Toward?

My family will especially understand why this is a difficult question. I was in college for a few years before joining the Air Force and I must have changed my major four times. Computer programming, website design, english, and accounting are the changes I can remember. These changes steered me away from taking very many normal core classes and I have a feeling I’m way behind.

So, what direction do I go in? With hopes of running my non-profit, do I go toward a business degree? Maybe back to website design so I can build the entire website on my own? Possibly a different direction? How about obtaining skills needed to be an inspirational speaker or a better veteran advocate?

I hope to choose the right program for me. The next decision may be even more difficult.

What College Do I Attend?

In choosing a college, I would need a school that would be willing to help me learn in the way I want to learn? I have taken online courses as well as “brick and mortar” classes. I learn much better when I’m able to be in the classroom itself. Unfortunately, I am severely limited in being able to commute to classes. I have a solution though! I hope the school I choose will work with me by allowing me to “attend” classes from home using a webcam in the classroom. This way I am still able to learn from the teacher and be able to ask questions as if I was in the class.

In addition to selecting the correct school, this school would need to be willing to allow me some concessions. My memory has been severely hindered due to a severe concussion and very strong pain medications. Being successful in school is important to me and failing is not an option. I may not be able to learn at the same pace as 18 year old kids fresh out of high school, but with the proper time allotted to me I have no doubt I could pass any course.

If anyone knows of a college who is very pro-veteran, please let me know. I want to start classes in the fall and any help would be greatly appreciated!

Dear United States Government,

My name is Daniel Lee Meyer and I am 27 years of age. I served in the United States Air Force for nearly six years and served tours in both Iraq and Afghanistan. I suffer from a terminal lung illness called Bronchiolitis Obliterans which I obtained from being exposed to toxic burn pits on our military installations in Iraq and Afghanistan. I have many questions as to why this happened to me, but let’s just focus on the big picture.

Tens of thousands of military personnel, civilian contractors, and local civilians have been put at risk by these burn pits. Allowing these toxic burn pits to operate so close to military personnel’s workplace and living quarters was a lack of judgement to say the least. Now, many veterans are seriously ill or have passed away due to the toxicity of materials that were being burned. In my case, its left me on oxygen for the rest of my life, in a wheelchair due to large tumors in my legs, and a seriously deteriorated quality of life. Regardless, I’m still proud to have served our great country and would repeat everything the same way, even with knowing the consequences to my health. Still, who should be held liable for this atrocity?

What makes everything worse is how badly I’ve been treated by the military and the VA throughout my entire illness.

Here is my story:

Although my injuries are apparent now (I’m attached to an oxygen tube and in a wheelchair), in the beginning they were considered “invisible”. I wasn’t shot, struck by a mortar or rocket, or injured by an IED. I didn’t lose a limb and wasn’t airlifted out of the combat due to injuries. Instead, my injuries manifested inside me for years. While others receive purple hearts and commendations, I received malice and ill-contempt. But how is my injury any less worthy of your attention? Why was I ridiculed, instead of supported?

I spent eight grueling months being poked, prodded, and called a liar by military doctors. I endured some of the worst breathing problems you could imagine. I experienced terrible bouts of insomnia, constant episodes of bloody sputum being hacked up, the lining of my throat tearing from endless coughing, and coughing so violent that breathing was nearly impossible.  Doctors at the Mike O’Callahan Federal Hospital on Nellis AFB, NV diagnosed me with everything from lung cancer to everything being in my head. A mere figment of my imagination? Still, it continued to get worse.

I was punished at work for “faking” an illness because there was no diagnosis. I was ordered to work in a position where I handed out toxic chemicals and tools as my duties. A civilian Pulmonologist who was working towards a diagnosis with me wrote a letter to my military doctors and leadership within my squadron stating I should be “completely absent from any industrial work environment.” They all completely ignored it and denied ever seeing it. In my new position at work, the fumes from the materials I handed out made my condition progress exponentially faster because of the blatant disregard for my health. On multiple occasions, I was found lying on the floor, puking my guts up from having a severe reaction to the chemicals I was needlessly being exposed to.

Next, came the Air Force physical fitness test. I couldn’t climb a flight of stairs or go five minutes without coughing so hard I would be sick, but without a diagnosis I was expected to perform at full capacity. The first test I attempted, after five or six sit-ups, I coughed until I was sick. Now, I was deemed lazy and out of shape. I returned to my Pulmonologist who wrote another letter stating I was in no way physically able to perform my fitness tests. Again, my military doctor denied the letter and sent me back to work. It took me going to patient advocacy and filing a complaint against that doctor in order to be placed on the proper medical profile.

At that point, I still didn’t have a diagnosis and was getting sicker and sicker by the day. Soon, I would have some answers.

In February 2011, I underwent a very painful lung biopsy and was diagnosed with Bronchiolitis Obliterans. A very rare terminal lung disease that is progressive, untreatable, and incurable. All I could do is wait and see if it continued to get worse. After eight weeks of recovery from surgery, I attempted to return to work. However, the condition was continuing to progress which made ever the commute to work difficult. Shortly thereafter, I was placed on full time oxygen and was told it would be required for the rest of my life.

It took getting to this point with my medical problems before my squadron finally placed me in an administrative type position. Unfortunately, the problems continued to get worse.

Due to my lungs failing, my heart began trying to pump oxygen into my body. This shot my resting heart rate up to 180 beats per minute and I was quickly put on medications to slow it back down before it became inefficient. Then in June 2011, fatty tumors formed in my knees, making walking extremely challenging. My immediate supervisor finally stepped up and told me it was unrealistic for me to come to work anymore and to stay home and rest. If they needed me, they would call. For a month or two, I was finally able to stay at home and tend to the medical conditions that were quickly debilitating me as I waited for my retirement paperwork. But, it surely could not end here.

My active duty case manager found out I wasn’t working and demanded a full inquiry as to why. I started receiving phone calls and e-mails telling me that I was abusing the system and that I was no longer contributing to the “team”. “How is it fair that others have to make up for your absence,” they would ask me. By this time, I was almost completely unable to walk and obviously still on oxygen. Then came the bombshell.

I was being ordered to undergo a physical assessment at the Health and Wellness Center on base to determine my work capabilities. What would I be able to do you might wonder? Well, according to the case manager, make a full return to the flight line. That’s right. They were ordering me back to turning wrenches on the flight line when I could no longer walk and was unable to breathe without an oxygen tank by my side. It was the most demoralizing thing I had ever experienced in my life. They were going to literally work me to death.

I was forced to contact Congresswoman Shelley Berkley’s office. I explained to her office the details of my situation and they couldn’t believe what they were hearing. They offered to do anything possible to help me and were appalled at how the Air Force had been treating me. Just days later, I received the medical board decision when I was told it would be many months before it came and that’s why they wanted me back to work. I was awarded a 100% disability rating, was given homebound status, and was scheduled to be medically retired just three weeks later. I informed the Congresswoman’s office and they let me know if I needed anything at all to contact them.

October 1, 2011 I was honorably medically retired as a Staff Sergeant, E-5, from the United States Air Force.

I thought entering the VA system would help alleviate my issues and work toward treating some of my conditions, instead the problems have continued to compound, wreaking havoc on my mind, body, and spirit.

To be continued.….

When the tumors appeared in my legs last June, I never imagined it would lead to me not walking. As the tumors became more and more painful, it started creeping into my mind that it was a possibility. I talked to my physical therapists about doing everything possible to keep me walking and for a while we were successful at keeping me upright. I hobbled along with a cane, tried using a walker (and failed), functioned with a wheelchair part-time, and now walking is a thing of the past.

From the moment we take our first steps in life, walking is a learned skill that is seemingly invaluable. Our parents marvel at the sight and as a child you can’t help but bask in the glory of championing such an awe inspiring feat. Once the stability arrives, being upright is the only way to go. This just reinforces my frustrations of not being able to walk.

When you are healthy person, you never imagine not being able to walk. We walk almost everywhere we go and we most definitely take it for granted. This is especially true when I would meet someone who was ill or handicapped who were unable to walk. I would feel terrible for them! How do you do things? Does it hurt? These are questions I would ask, but the answers would always go right over my head. Wish I would have listened…

Now, I’m facing my own challenges. For instance, a few weeks ago, I was transferring out of our vehicle into my electric scooter when my hand slipped causing my head to hit the door. This caused a chain reaction of my head snapping back and the left side of my head smashing into the frame of the car, knocking me out cold. This is not commonplace when you’re able to walk.

I understand my medical situation is very unique and finding doctors who have ever dealt with this kind of exposure to toxins is nearly impossible, but I would love to be able to walk again. I am still doing physical therapy at home which is keeping the muscles around my knees strong, but the pain has left me a long ways from walking.

My wife and I will continue to pray that a doctor gets put into my path. No matter what happens, I’m thankful everyday that I’m still alive and I’ll be staying positive as long as God continues to bless me with life.

After two months away, I thought it was about time for me to return to writing. Even while laying here in bed with the flu, it’s time to continue doing what I enjoy: writing.

Typical Day at the Doctor

The past few months has been riddled with doctors appointments, massive amount of pain, and bouts of depression that I hadn’t experienced since I was originally diagnosed with my terminal illness. My pain medication was no longer helping and I couldn’t handle it anymore. From morning to night, tears ran down my face from the excruciating pain. I was miserable to say the least. Every day I would get on the computer with the hopes of writing and it never happened. With how tough things have been, I have an announcement to make.

Major Announcement

As I make a return to writing, I have a major announcement to make about Daniel Meyer Disabled Veterans Organization (DMDVO). As of today, the organization is temporarily suspended. Due to my health, I have realized that the non-profit would require time and energy that I am unable to provide at this time. As difficult as this is, I believe it’s what is best for everyone involved and most importantly, the integrity of DMDVO’s mission. The disabled veterans I would be serving deserve the best and right now, I am far from my best.

To be clear, the organization is temporarily suspended. I still have the vision, motivation, and passion needed to make DMDVO successful. I believe down the road the disabled veterans of Las Vegas, NV and Toledo, OH will receive the assistance they deserve from DMDVO. If not, I will share my vision with someone who feels the same way I do about our disabled veterans who have sacrificed so much in the defense of our great nation.

Now What?

My goal now is to make a full return to writing. I know that the words I have written have inspired, informed, and entertained and I want to bring that back to my readers. I am going to continue some of the popular Blog Series and hopefully start some new ones. Another addition I would like to make is adding a forum so that veterans and their families can share their stories and struggles. I want DanielMeyerBlog.Com to be a conglomerate of veterans coming together for the progression of the veteran cause. Please be patient for the forum to be up and operational.

Keep in mind one thing please: My medications have seriously slowed down my thinking process. I will put my best effort into my work, but it may take slightly longer and may not be as well written as before. I will deliver my best work possible, I promise!

If anyone has any ideas or suggestions of topics they would like to see me write about, please leave a comment or send me a message through the contact page.

It’s great to be back and God Bless all of you!

This will be a full recap about the trip to Washington DC that Harmonie and I just got home from. Here we go…

Wednesday January 18, 2012

Just before noon, my cell phone rings. It’s a number I don’t know, but since it’s from Las Vegas I figure I may as well answer it. The person on the other line was Jessi from Congresswoman Shelley Berkley’s office. I had talked to her many months before when I was having some problems with the Air Force not treating me very well when it came to my illness. To say the least I was confused about what she was calling about.

After a few minutes of chit-chat, she got to the point. Rep. Berkley was interested in bringing an Iraq war veteran to Washington DC to accompany her to the Presidential State of the Union Address. Jessi had remembered my story from talking to her before and suggested to the Congresswoman that I would be a good choice.

I was stunned.

This was a huge honor, but I was unsure that we would be able to go. We had yet to travel by plane anywhere since I got sick and I wanted to talk it over with Harmonie first. We discussed every detail that would need to be addressed and decided we would go as long as it was not overly stressful on us. I gave Jessi a call back and she was ecstatic that we would be willing to attend. I let her know our concerns and she agreed to resolve everything possible to get us out there.

Thursday-Saturday January 19–21, 2012

These three days were complete pandemonium. Constant phone calls between Jessi and I collaborating the trip details. At times it seemed that everything would fall apart and then a few hours later it would all come back together. Southern Nevada Oxygen (who has been incredibly generous to us for a very long time) was kind enough to allow us to borrow some extra batteries for my portable oxygen concentrator so we would be able to have sufficient oxygen for the flight and trip.

By midday Saturday, all the plans were in place and we spent the evening packing.

Sunday January 22, 2012 — The Day of Problems

We woke up at 3:00am in order to make it to the airport for a 7:45am flight. Our brother-in-law Sean, who works at McCarran, escorted us through the employee security and we were very grateful for the gesture. A few hours later we ran into our first problem. Getting on the plane requires the airline to put me in an aisle wheelchair in order to get me seated. United Airlines sent two employees down to help me. The flight was delayed by a few minutes and they kept complaining they didn’t have enough help to get me and a few other elderly passengers on the plane. When it was finally time to board they were nowhere to be found. Harmonie took our stuff to the seats as I sat stranded on the jetway. I was suppose to be seated first and other help didn’t come until the plane was almost completely full. Poor customer service by United Airlines if you ask me.

The flight went smoothly and then when we landed the second issue arose. I asked the stewardess to find out if someone could help us to baggage claim because we had to carry a lot of medical supplies. They had the employee who helped us off the plane assist us. He pushed me about 50 feet, then pointed down the hallway and said “go that way” and bailed on us. Anyone who has been through Dulles airport knows that getting to baggage claim is no short trip. Not only were we seriously upset about this, but the whole way we struggled to baggage claim the driver who was picking us up kept calling my phone. I couldn’t get much reception, but I heard him ask “Where are you all at?” That really didn’t help our situation. Until we finally got into the car, our arrival in Washington DC was abysmal at best.

The third issue was when we made it up to our room at the hotel. We opened the door and realized something was wrong. The room was so small I couldn’t get the wheelchair in about three feet. “These people just checked us in, obviously seeing me in a wheelchair, and they gave us this” I said to Harmonie. We called down to the front desk and asked them to move us into a new room which they did without hesitation.

We spent the rest of the evening resting in our room and enjoying some good room service for dinner. Hopefully the next day would go smoother!

Monday January 23, 2012

We had a rough night of sleep due to napping the previous evening, but we woke up and ordered some breakfast. Our only planned event for the day was a tour of the Capitol by a staff member from Rep. Berkley’s office.

After a very slow cab ride to the Capitol (there was a Pro-Life march going on), we were greeted by Dara, the aforementioned staff member. She helped us up to the Congresswoman’s office and although she wasn’t there yet, her office was pretty awesome.

As soon as our tour got underway, we were like kids on a field tour. It was such a great experience to see our nations Capitol up close and in person. We also received passes to go in and check out the Congress and Senate chambers where all the voting takes place. We had goosebumps just sitting in the gallery. Plus, I got a chance to see where I’d be sitting for the State of the Union the next night.

We went back to the Congresswoman’s office and had a nice talk with all the staff members. We discussed the following night and made sure we knew what time to be back the following day. Harmonie and I also decided to go out for a nice dinner that night, so we returned to the hotel for a few minutes and chose a restaurant.

Our choice was Ruth’s Chris, an incredibly good steak house with locations all over the U.S. It was great to get out and have a nice dinner with my wife. By the time our meal was done we were worn out. We returned to the hotel and I started watching YouTube videos to figure out how to tie a tie. To say the least, it didn’t work!

Tuesday January 23, 2012 - State of the Union Day

We woke up and decided we would spend the day in the room and just relax. This would give us a chance to take our time getting ready. Harmonie worked on prepping our clothes while I called the Congresswoman’s office and asked if someone could tie my tie for me. They said someone could and we all had a good laugh at my expense.

We finished getting ready and went down to grab a bite to eat. To our surprise, our previously ordered handicap-cab was 45 minutes early arriving around 4:45pm. We expected more delays getting over to the Capitol, but the drive went very smoothly and we ended up at the Congresswoman’s office about an hour early. In addition, we thought we were running late so we didn’t get a chance to eat. We asked the staff if there was anything we could order and everyone agreed on a pizza. Just when the pizza got there, Rep. Berkley arrived. Unfortunately, she had been held up in Las Vegas.

After talking with most of her staff and even talking on the phone with her before we came, it was great to finally meet her in person. We enjoyed some pizza and had a great conversation. We got a picture taken with her and the staff even printed it out and she was kind enough to sign it for us. She let me know the plan was to meet her at a pre-State of the Union reception in Rep. Nancy Pelosi’s office. We parted ways and someone from the special needs department in the Capitol met me in her office to escort me throughout the Capitol for the night.

Let me tell you, it’s a good thing he was with me all night. The security was out in masses for the event. Secret service was around every corner.

We arrived in Rep. Nancy Pelosi’s office and she very nicely greeted us and thanked us for attending her reception. I did not see Rep. Berkley yet, so we parked next to a wall and tried to keep a low profile. We were visited by many in attendance and then I got to meet Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur. Rep. Kaptur has been the standing Congresswoman in my hometown of Toledo since 1983 (a year before I was born). I have seen her name for the entirety of my life and to finally meet her was such an honor. We talked for a little while and then she presented me with some Congressional cufflinks. I want to thank Rep. Kaptur for her kind gesture and I plan to keep in touch with her through her office.

Rep. Berkley arrived and introduced me to some very nice Congressmen and many others. It was kind of intimidating being in a room with so many of our nations leaders. I just stuck to being courteous and shook everyones hand.

It was finally time to head up to the gallery in the House of Representatives Chamber where the address is given. When we got to our spot, I was joined by a couple of other disabled veterans. I had the privilege of meeting Brian Kolfage Jr., a wounded Air Force veteran who is a triple amputee. Talking to him was so encouraging because I got to see first hand someone who has gone through tremendous adversity and has not only overcome it, he has thrived. I greatly enjoyed speaking with him and I wish him, his wife, and his family all the best. Hopefully I have the chance to speak with him again.

The event began and President Obama came in to a loud ovation, which only increased when he hugged Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. His speech was a little longer than I expected and I started getting concerned that I would run out of oxygen before I made it back to Rep. Berkley’s office. I had to lower the setting and I started having issues with tunnel vision. I decided it best to turn it back up and make sure we left very quickly afterwards. It was great to be there, but I’ll always remember the amazing view of all three branches of government being represented in the same room. I am proud to be an American and this was a culmination of what our nation stands for: Democracy.

After the speech we rushed back to where Harmonie was in Rep. Berkley’s office and started charging my batteries back up. We hung out for an hour or two until the streets opened back up so the cab we called could get to us. We started realizing that our cab had bailed on us, so two of the Congresswoman’s staff members went outside with us in the freezing cold to hail us a cab. They were such a tremendous help and we probably would have had serious issues out in the cold without them. Thank you so much guys!

We got back to the room around 12:30am which greatly affected our next day. Regardless, I’ll always cherish the opportunity that was given to me to attend this once-in-a-lifetime event.

Wednesday January 24, 2012

Waking up the next morning, I got an email from Jessi that she had coordinated for the USO and TSA to help us later that day departing Dulles and arriving back at McCarran. This would make our travel much easier.

It was now time for us to go on our tour of the White House, but we had an issue. Harmonie was not feeling well and I don’t have enough energy to do late night/early morning turnarounds anymore. We tried to go, but it was an ill-fated attempted and we went back to our room. We just didn’t have it in us and we needed the rest for our flight home.

Taking this break also made packing much easier because we wouldn’t have to rush. We lounged around and had everything packed early. The hotel granted us a late check out so that we could continue to charge my oxygen machine batteries.

When it was time to leave we checked out and went to the lounge to get some lunch before heading to the airport. The driver arrived, packed up our stuff, and we were off to Dulles. Along the way, the USO called and let us know where they would meet us. When we got to the airport a TSA agent was there as well. I guess there is a program that if you call ahead of time as a severely disabled veteran they will escort you through the employee security checkpoint. This limits the complications we might have due to all of the medical equipment we have to travel with.

We made it home and had help to baggage claim. We got our stuff with the assistance of Charm and Sean and were on our way home.

The next few days were spent resting from the pure exhaustion we felt from the trip.

Thank you for reading this very long post about our trip to Washington DC. If you would like to see more pictures from the trip, please join the Facebook page today. I look forward to reading your comments about this awesome trip.

You may be asking yourself “What is the intoxicating stench?” Well the answer is simple.…

Burn Pits

Iraq

When we landed in Balad AFB, Iraq the sky was filled with black smoke. Had a mortar hit the base or something? No, it was burning trash from inside the perimeter fence. Since we lived on the opposite side of the base from where we worked, we had to take a bus to get there. We lived right across the street from these despicable wastelands, but our bus ride brought us even closer. That first trip to work it was warm out and the windows were all down. All of a sudden a black haze, which reeked of burning plastic, engulfed the bus. We were all coughing and hacking, then jokingly the bus driver rang out with “Welcome to Balad” and laughed.

Some of the guys that had already deployed here were use to the burn pits and paid no attention to it. They warned of the “Iraqi crud” we would experience from the burn pits and the sand storms and that we would “get use to it.” There was no getting use to it..

Day after day the effects of the toxic inferno were noticed. I was constantly coughing, my nose would run non-stop, and it felt like I had a bad chest cold. I was seen numerous times by the flight doctor and normally was given cough drops and sent on my way. Since I was not the type to just give in, I always pressed forward and did my job to the best of my abilities.

Unfortunately for everyone who has been deployed, there was no escaping the noxious sea of flames. My room was close enough to the burn pit that I would wake up and find soot on top of me. On exceptionally bad days, when we left our dorms the cloud of smoke was so thick you couldn’t even see the sun in the middle of the day. A few times I was assigned to “bird control” duty. This entailed me going into the burn pits without any PPE (personal protective equipment) and shooting birds with pellet guns to help prevent bird strikes on aircraft. I was probably only in there for an hour or two, but I’m sure I breathed in smoke equivalent to five lifetimes of smoking. At the time I was just “following orders.”

Afghanistan

When we made it to our FOB in Afghanistan none of us really knew what to expect. It was a cold and desolate place. We also didn’t realize we were some of the only Americans on our side of the base. Within hours of landing, a familiar aroma filled the air: burning trash. We had been assigned a helipad close to the burn pit and directly across from the sling load area. This made for a particularly crappy deployment.

Soon we started experiencing what can only be described as “black snow.” The ash and soot from the burn pits was pluming high into the air and raining down upon us. It was disgusting. Everything we did surrounded the pit. The chow tent, work, and sleeping all of them would be engulfed in smoke depending on the wind. Again, there was no escaping.

This is when many of my symptoms started rearing their ugly head. For the entirety of the trip I couldn’t stop coughing. My throat was becoming raw and it was painful to swallow my food. When I would try to run I would cough and get winded much faster than usual. What was happening to me?

Follow-Up

This intoxicating stench has affected tens of thousands of veterans. I will never forget that smell. Its repugnancy is now burned into my nasal passages. The damage it has caused is mind boggling. It’s time for Washington D.C. to do something about it and not allow another 10 years of self-harming our veterans.

How was it that people thought this would have no negative effects on our health? This question continues to baffle me…

Note: The title is a play on words just to be clear :-)

This is my second part based off Dan’s A Love Story for the Ages — Part 2 — The Proposal.

Dan and I decided to meet at Outback steak house that night after he got off work. It was still the first day we had actually ever met each other, but you would think we had known each other forever. This is   especially odd when you consider the fact that I am socially awkward and not very talkative when you first meet me. However, he was sweet, funny, and not half bad out of uniform.

I was very excited to have met someone I had a true connection with. I really enjoyed his company and couldn’t wait to see him again. I was walking on clouds, but that feeling was about to be hit by a roadblock. Dan called me the next day and he broke the bad news; he was going to be leaving in two weeks. We were both very upset and weren’t quite sure what to do. Dan came over all but one night that week as soon as he got off work. We had long talks and continued to grow closer.

Unsure of what to do, I asked Dan if he would want to leave his things at my apartment while he was deployed. I had a spare bedroom so there was even a spot for his gross recliner and over-the-top gamer desktop computer.

Valentine’s Day was a couple of days later and I decided to actually celebrate it, at home of course. A bit of background: Dan and I HATE Valentine’s Day! Sorry ladies but it is truly a scam. I have always refused to go out or buy anything on the biggest rip off day of the year. Having said that, I was love struck and I knew Dan was leaving soon so I decided to decorate and make a huge meal. I even had confetti everywhere people. CONFETTI! Clearly something special was happening here because I was actually acting like a girl for the first time probably in my entire life.

Then it was time to move Dan in. I LOVE how he just skips right over the packing and into the moving stuff. If there was ever a moment I thought “oh sh*t, what am I doing,” it was while packing Dan’s apartment. First, you have to understand that we lived on opposite sides of town from each other and had known each other less than a week. Before packing, I had only been at Dan’s house once for a brief amount of time and I started to know why. I will say Dan did have a roommate so the entire mess cannot be solely blamed on him, but you couldn’t pay me to live in an apartment that dirty. Not only were there dozens of used plastic throw away Tupperware still containing some of last month’s food all over the kitchen, there were also bags of fast food (with food still in them) stuffed under the coffee table. It was truly disgusting and I had to complain to Dan pretty much every five minutes while I gagged and was freaking out a little.

Finally, after getting the cars packed and ready to go, we headed back to my apartment. On the way home I realized I had lost him somewhere in the traffic. I called Dan and he said he was stopping to get me a present “for the house.”  I knew instantly what it was. I could tell by his cute little hints and I have been able to read him like a book since I first spotted him in his uniform walking into IHOP.

I started unloading the car and waiting for Dan to get home with his surprise. He walked in and asked me to come over to him. He instantly dropped to one knee and said “remember how we’ve been talking about spending the rest of our lives together” as he went down. Pulling a ring box from behind his back, he asked me to marry him. I said yes! Tears were running down both our faces as we kissed and he put the ring on my finger. It fit perfectly and was beautiful. I couldn’t have asked for more.

Only one concern crossed my mind at that time; we are supposed to be at my brothers’ house in a couple of hours and they may kill him.

Head over to the Blog Series Info page for all the articles in this series!

Welcome to 2012 and it’s good to be back from holiday break. Let me tell you, being sick causes exhaustion that is indescribable. It’s hard to keep up with daily activities, let alone writing and working on the non-profit.

During the break, Harmonie and I got an incredible opportunity to just stay at home and get some rest. We didn’t have doctors appointments everyday which gave us a reprieve from having to leave the house. It was relaxing and we got to spend much needed time together, just the two of us.

For Christmas, Harmonie made a delicious prime rib roast. It was breathtaking. Then, for New Years Eve, she made a rack of lamb. She truly does cook some of the best meals ever!

This holiday season also gave me a chance to do some soul searching and realize that God and my family MUST come first in my life. Without them, I would not be alive today. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my projects that I don’t spend enough time on things that really matter. I plan to start setting up “working hours” where I spend time writing and working on the non-profit organization. That way everything doesn’t just blend together.

In addition, I now have a physical therapist who comes to the house. This saves energy on Harmonie and I not to have to leave the house three extra times a week. It is truly a blessing to be receiving this service.

I will now be writing on a more regular basis and I hope the blog continues to grow. Thank you!

Welcome to Part 11 of the Blog Series A Love Story for the Ages. This series is the jour­ney my wife and I have taken get­ting to the great life we enjoy together today. Now the continu­a­tion of the story.…

Bad Choices

After a few days of relaxing at the house and recovering from the lack of sleep in Afghanistan, I started getting a bit stir crazy. I decided that I wanted to go out and have some “fun” with Harmonie.

At the time, my idea of fun was going out and partying, drinking, and gambling. All of this debauchery is unfortunately practiced by many veterans returning from war zones, including me. I’m not proud of this part of my life, but it’s the reality of what life is like coming home from deployments.

The stress of deployments builds up and when we get home, we find any way to release the stress. The military has many “programs” in place to help, but the stigma surrounding them is so bad that nobody is willing to risk going to them. We all know the consequences on our careers if we’re seen by them. My release happened to be gambling.

It goes back to 2008, before I knew Harmonie when I had won a very large sum of money in a poker tournament. It made me feel like I couldn’t lose. After the tournament, for weeks on end I continued winning at whatever I played.

All this did was fuel the problem.

Fast forward back to 2009, after I got home from Afghanistan.

At first, Harmonie took it all in stride. She believed it to be just a phase from returning home from Afghanistan. For a while, she even came with me to the casino. Eventually, Harmonie’s dislike for gambling kicked in and she asked me to stop. All this did was lead to a lot of arguments.

As gambling remained an issue for us, we still continued to go out and party. We would regularly go out to bars and clubs. The problem was, when we went out, I always wanted to stop at the tables. Typically, I’d be drunk by this point, so it was impossible to reason with me. I just kept doing what I wanted.

I used gambling as my outlet for stress. I had no coping mechanisms in place. I’ve been through a lot and unfortunately I didn’t make wise choices to relieve stress.

The whole time we were going through all this, we were still trying to get to know each other. As tough as it was being apart for the length of the deployment, getting to know each other through my gambling issues was just as difficult.

Obviously, I’ve made a lot of changes in my life. Our lives have completely changed since then. Coming into a relationship with God was the best decision I’ve ever made (followed closely by marrying Harmonie). It made me realize that life is suppose to be about cherishing your loved ones and giving back to humanity.

Well, my family means a lot to me and I plan on giving back any way possible; starting with veterans exposed to burn pits.

(Note: I will be referring to the doctor we went to see as Dr. X.)

Harmonie finished packing up the car, we talked about if we needed anything else and then got in the car. The trip was finally underway.

As we left Las Vegas, the excitement was racing through us. We couldn’t believe we were finally heading down to a major University for medical treatment. It’s something we had waited over six months for. The drive down seemed to go by quickly. We stopped for lunch about half way, just long enough to stretch our legs and eat, then continued on.

When we entered the Los Angeles valley, the usual southern California traffic became a nightmare. We fought traffic and made it to the hotel and got settled in. We stayed at the same hotel where we went for our one year anniversary, the Travelodge Santa Monica. We like to stay there because they have a full kitchen in the room, so we don’t have to waste money eating out.

We decided to call it a night early, greatly anticipating the next day’s appointment. We tossed and turned all night. When the alarm went off in the morning, we had only gotten minimal sleep. Our adrenaline was surging. We might finally be at the doctor that can help me walk again. We loaded the car back up and took the short five minute drive to the clinic.

We got to the building and took the elevator to the second floor.  We checked in and filled out some paperwork. We were called back fairly quickly so we took that as a good sign. The nurse took my vitals and then we waited.…

And waited.…

Finally one of Dr. X’s resident doctors came in and started inquiring about my pain and what I was exposed to in Iraq and Afghanistan. He seemed intrigued by everything and told us that we had come to the right place and they would be able to help. He left the room to go confer with the doctor and again we waited.

After a little while Dr. X walked in. Wearing a pin striped suit with purple socks, he momentarily seemed very nice. Until he started talking.…

He proceeded to tell us the following things:

1. That he sees nothing wrong with my knees.
2. That people have fat collect in different areas, mine just happens to be in both of my knees.
3. That they are ABSOLUTELY NOT tumors in my knees, it’s just a collection of healthy fat tissue.
4. It’s normal for fat to replace muscle when you aren’t up walking around.
5. That I have severe nerve damage.
6. That I have unexplainable back problems.
7. Insisted on taking an x-ray of my hip, which he found nothing on.
8. That if I have a bunch of toxins in my body, there is nothing he can do about it.
9. That he is a surgeon, not a doctor.
10. He tried to force a cortisone injection on me, saying the previous one was done incorrectly.
11. When we asked if he had seen the information about my last cortisone injection, he responded “No, it would take me hours to go through the medical records that were sent to him.”

So as you can see, these things didn’t make Harmonie and I very happy. Now, let me cover these from my point of view and from what I have been told from five previous doctors:

1. Obviously something is wrong with my knees, OTHERWISE I’D BE WALKING!!!
2. Oh good, I guess I just need liposuction in the back of my knee. If only we had known! So just normal fatty cells are causing this much pain? Likely..
3. We already knew that they were “fatty tumors” and not anything else. He persistently corrected us when we said tumors, saying it absolutely isn’t that. It’s a collection of fat cells and to stop calling it tumors. Every other physician we’ve seen who actually has reviewed my case has called them tumors.
4. Dr. X couldn’t understand that the TUMORS had arrived well before I couldn’t walk anymore. He didn’t seem to understand the tumors are the cause of me being in the wheelchair, not the result of it.
5. Severe nerve damage was a new one on us. While we are willing to explore this avenue, not a single doctor or test has indicated any sort of nerve damage.
6. Unexplainable back problems??? I have no back problems. He tried to relate a back issue I don’t have to my knee pain.
7. Why the heck did I need hip x-rays? This one was baffling. As a professional doctor at UCLA, you’d think he would come up with some better testing than a hip x-ray
8. We already knew I have toxins in my body. How do you think I got the lung disease? We weren’t asking Dr. X to take the toxins out of me, we were asking him to fix my knees.
9. This one really upset us. If you aren’t a doctor, THEN WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE!!!????? Last I heard, surgeons ARE doctors, am I wrong? He may as well have described himself as an idiot who is good with a knife!
10. I had to control myself on this one. Harmonie and I went as far as calling the orthopedic doctor here in Las Vegas and got him on the phone telling him what was going on. He said “I’ve done hundreds and hundreds of knees injections. I didn’t miss and had never seen a reaction like mine.” He even faxed the report over to UCLA and Dr. X didn’t even have the respect to go read it. Which leads me to…
11. When I continued to decline his cortisone injection because the last one did terrible things to me, we asked him if he had read the report on my last cortisone injection (the same one the doctor from Las Vegas just faxed down) and he said “The file is this big [made a symbol with his fingers], it would take me our hours to read your medical file.” This was a surprise to us! We told the nurse we weren’t coming down until they had gone over my medical records and she assured us he had and was still willing to help. So we were lied to, brought down on false pretenses, and made a mockery of all in one trip.

I would just like to add this is the fifth doctor we’ve been to over the last six months. My physicians have watched these “tumors” grow and the detriment it has had on my ability to walk. Everyone who has been involved in my case agrees that these growths are abnormal and need to be biopsied and researched further. It has only been due to the high risk of performing surgery on me that others have been unwilling to do so. However, no one has had the audacity to simply pretend there is no problem.

To say the least, our trip to UCLA was a complete bust. We got no help whatsoever. This doctor may as well have told me that I should be able to get up and run around. I rolled out of there completely disappointed with the feeling that we were taken advantage of. At the end he said he wanted me to come back in a month.

If there is nothing wrong with me, WHY WOULD I NEED TO COME BACK IN A MONTH?????

Sorry, but I had to vent my frustration. I even went to the appointment guarded, but nothing could have prepared me for the ridiculousness of Dr. X.

If you have any questions please leave a comment or get a hold of me through the contact page. I look forward to hearing your responses!